goodbye my car

For the last time,
I backed the car off the parking lot,
stopped at the gate waiting for the gate to open,
turned right to go over the u-turn to go east,
drove down Almeda, passing the post office
followed McGregor, turned into Cullen,
pulled into the parking lot in front of Cougar Place

one less key, one less responsibility, I suppose

2 more boxes

Last night, I woke up at 2am due to anxiety. My mind was running like crazy thinking all the things I need to do. Finally I got up and started packing. I took out 2 big boxes and started cleaning up all the clothes and all the remaining stuff in the kitchen. I don't know how long it took but I went back to bed after the 2 boxes are packed.

This morning I mailed these 2 boxes (20x18x18) to Hawaii. I am a lousy packer that I might end up flying with 2 luggages, 1 carry-on, 1 backpack, and maybe 1 box. sigh....Why do one person need so many things? I had imagined that I will live with only 2 suitcases for 6 weeks. Not going to happen now.

The 2 boxes are not extremely heavy; I managed to get them down from my second floor apartment, to my car, to the post office. I do have a personal cart to help me carry them. I had them mailed via priority 1-3 days. The post office lady told me give and take a day or two.

I hope I lose some weight since I sweat like a pig all the time with moving stuff around, packing, taking stuff out as trash...

Tonight after dark, go to Target to return the air bed, then stop by this cloth donation box to drop off 2 bags of clothes. Then tonight I clean up more; take more things to the dumpster.

Clean, clean, gone!

because we all have too many

So I put all the "good" stuff in the study room, thinking *somebody* sure can use some of them.

Wrong.

I did not realize it is so hard to give away stuff for free these days. I really need a serious reality check. How come everyone else seems to have everything they need? I thought someone can use some good used items. How wrong was I.

One person told me, "because we all have too many extra stuff ourselves."

I guess everyone is living a very comfortable life that everyone has more than what they need.

Once I reached that realization, I decided to dump all the stuff at the dumpster. Boxes of stuff. Gone! I started late at night so it is not too hot. Luckily that I still have this personal cart to help me carry stuff. One trip after another, my study room now is very clean.

Gone!

will I see you again?

Tonight was Shin Tien's wedding. Many young people were at Yao's restaurant. An lively event. I got to see many friends as well. At the end, I was taking pictures with everyone and saying goodbye at the same time. Claire looked up and asked, "will I see you again?"

I don't know, Claire. Maybe, Maybe not. I felt my heart sunk and tears almost ran out. I held myself back very hard. It was a wedding after all. Everyone was laughing and having a great time. "I will see you in Hawaii," I replied.

The reality: people will not come to Hawaii just to see me. I am fortunate in such that Hawaii is a desirable destination. People might come for Hawaii, not for me. But that is okay.

I don't know if I will be able to keep my old friends. New friends I will make. But does making new friends necessitate the letting go of the old?

"You make room for your new life," someone might say.

"But I have plenty room for me friends," I think.

Will I see you again?

learning how to live without Internet

The stupidest thing I did recently was to cut off my phone line. There was this unsecured wireless connection that had been very stable for over two months. I thought, I can just cut off my phone for the last 2 weeks and use this kind stranger's connection.

Not so.

The day I cut off my phone, that connection disappeared as well.

Everyday at home, I am learning how to kill my time without the use of Internet. I cook some simple meal, I watch TV, I try to read, clean up, and, yes, maybe I should pick up my meditation practice as well.

There will be no Internet at least initially in Hawaii. Will I able to find something for myself to do?

boxes gone, attachments remain

Life has been too exciting recently and today is no exception.

Condo is closing next Tuesday. Car was sold yesterday to the first person who came to see it. We have made arrangement to turn over the car next Wednesday. I went to school this morning, thinking I finally will be able to do some work. Oh, one last small thing to do. Hawaii requires a TB test so I went to UH health center 2 days ago. It cost only $6. My doctor charges $35. So I thought I got a good deal. I went back to get the result.

The TB test came back positive. Then I have to do a chest x-ray. Now I went back to my doctor. They looked at my arm and said, they would have said it is okay. But they cannot revoke UH doctor's diagnose. So I went to take the chest X-Ray.

Since I drove all the way to China town, I went ahead to the title company and signed the closing contract. I don't need to make another trip next week. When all was done, it was pouring rain and about 2:30. I had not had lunch so I was going to find something to eat.

Then the phone rang. The moving company called and said they were coming to pick up my stuff "right now." Right now? It is raining, I was on another side of town, I was not done packing. What do you mean you are coming over right now? The person on the other end had no mercy. He said they "have to" come over now and there is no way they will come tomorrow. But I had it scheduled for tomorrow. "But I am telling you we have to come right now," the person said. I hang up and called the customer service 800 number of the relocation company. I was as mad as hell. I don't like it when things don't go as planned. I was driving in the heavy rain while making all the phone calls. So a supervisor was put on the line to deal with this angry customer. But by then, I was no longer angry. I told her, you cannot just call and come, people have plans and I need three more hours. It was 3:00pm. I said, come at 6:00pm. She said no problem.

So I went home as fast as I can. I was pretty much packed expect maybe the last 2-3 boxes. I just boxed them up, throw in some things here and there, number them, write down the content of them on my notebook, then I sat down at my only chair in the room.

Why was I so angry?

For some reason, I thought about death.

Like most people, I never really seriously thinking about death. But today's experience somehow made me think about my death. I realized that I might be one of those people who just wouldn't let go at the end.

I need more time
This is not as planned
It should be tomorrow, not today
I am not ready
It cannot just happen

But death certainly can. Now I realized I might be mad at "death" since it does not happen as planned.

The mover showed up at 4:30 and left at 6:00pm. I survived to tell the story. Looking at the empty apartment, I don't know why but I thought about death, how unexpected it could be and wonder: will I be able to let go regardless?

For the longest time, I thought I live a frugal life, not much desire of material stuff, not much attachment to any person, any thing, or any place. This move knocks me good in my face to tell me otherwise!

cragislist rocks!

so the car is sold!

yes, that is right.

The first person called within 25 minutes of my posting. She works at north side of town and cannot get to me until 7 pm.

The second person is a friend of a friend. She called after the first person. When she knew someone else is coming, she wanted to come before that person. So we made an appointment for 6:30 pm.

The right around 4:30pm, a third person called. Once they know I have 2 appointments lined up, they wanted to come over right away. So they did. Very nice people, mother, daughter and son. So they put down $500 deposit and the deal was made. They are happy; I am happy. This is the way things should be.

The car is priced to sell. I was not greedy. This is a good lesson - do not be too greedy!