Saturday, June 14, 2008

what is left?

Yesterday Mr. Hao came over and gave the estimate. It will be about $3,500 to renovate the entire place. My ex-roommate also came over and gave her estimate. It is much cheaper if she did it. Then today, Merry and Jerry came over and maybe they will buy my condo.

The idea of selling my condo is fairly new. For the longest time, I never thought about selling it. This property is never intended for investment purpose but more for a place for myself. This is my place.

The good news is that selling it will mean one less thing to worry about.

But, what is left for me?

I am not sure if I am scared or just simply too attached to the condo. If I don't owe it anymore, what is left for me? Five years from now, what will I "have"? What is it about "having something" so important? I never felt I needed another person (husband, boyfriend, partner) to complete my life. I am perfectly fine being single. However, why am I feeling uneasy about losing my condo? What does owing this condo mean to me?

Maybe we are naturally seeking permanence in life. We want something stable, always there, forever. In theory, we know nothing is permanent and nothing is forever. However, we need the idea of it to feel secure and stable. This is where the gap between theory and practice lies. I understand it but I cannot practice it.

This is too hard.

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