boxes gone, attachments remain

Life has been too exciting recently and today is no exception.

Condo is closing next Tuesday. Car was sold yesterday to the first person who came to see it. We have made arrangement to turn over the car next Wednesday. I went to school this morning, thinking I finally will be able to do some work. Oh, one last small thing to do. Hawaii requires a TB test so I went to UH health center 2 days ago. It cost only $6. My doctor charges $35. So I thought I got a good deal. I went back to get the result.

The TB test came back positive. Then I have to do a chest x-ray. Now I went back to my doctor. They looked at my arm and said, they would have said it is okay. But they cannot revoke UH doctor's diagnose. So I went to take the chest X-Ray.

Since I drove all the way to China town, I went ahead to the title company and signed the closing contract. I don't need to make another trip next week. When all was done, it was pouring rain and about 2:30. I had not had lunch so I was going to find something to eat.

Then the phone rang. The moving company called and said they were coming to pick up my stuff "right now." Right now? It is raining, I was on another side of town, I was not done packing. What do you mean you are coming over right now? The person on the other end had no mercy. He said they "have to" come over now and there is no way they will come tomorrow. But I had it scheduled for tomorrow. "But I am telling you we have to come right now," the person said. I hang up and called the customer service 800 number of the relocation company. I was as mad as hell. I don't like it when things don't go as planned. I was driving in the heavy rain while making all the phone calls. So a supervisor was put on the line to deal with this angry customer. But by then, I was no longer angry. I told her, you cannot just call and come, people have plans and I need three more hours. It was 3:00pm. I said, come at 6:00pm. She said no problem.

So I went home as fast as I can. I was pretty much packed expect maybe the last 2-3 boxes. I just boxed them up, throw in some things here and there, number them, write down the content of them on my notebook, then I sat down at my only chair in the room.

Why was I so angry?

For some reason, I thought about death.

Like most people, I never really seriously thinking about death. But today's experience somehow made me think about my death. I realized that I might be one of those people who just wouldn't let go at the end.

I need more time
This is not as planned
It should be tomorrow, not today
I am not ready
It cannot just happen

But death certainly can. Now I realized I might be mad at "death" since it does not happen as planned.

The mover showed up at 4:30 and left at 6:00pm. I survived to tell the story. Looking at the empty apartment, I don't know why but I thought about death, how unexpected it could be and wonder: will I be able to let go regardless?

For the longest time, I thought I live a frugal life, not much desire of material stuff, not much attachment to any person, any thing, or any place. This move knocks me good in my face to tell me otherwise!